See the Light
by queenpearl
Summary: What were Executor's thoughts during the Battle of Endor?


Ships don't have brains. They have computers with tiny little processors that make hundreds of calculations each second. They had no feelings either and yet if that were so, how could they form bonds with their Commanders. It was never much of a bond. A war bond existed between each ship and her commander. But it was a weak bond. As soon as the commander left or was killed it was severed without much consequence. So why did Executor feel fear as she glanced at the massive battlestation she swore to protect. Fear that was not her own. A war bond should never allow for such feelings to travel through a link, if it could even be called that. The bond allowed for orders to be heard unsaid and sometimes, on rare occasion, thoughts to be read. But feelings were off limits. So why then, was the dreadnought feeling an internal conflict that she knew was not her own. Was it truly a war bond she shared with her Black Knight or was it something more?...

If this were so, then both Executor and her commander had broken a cardinal rule of the Empire. Feelings have no place in war! Executor tried to force down the waves of fear entering her, mimicking what she had seen her commander do increasingly in the last few months. He seemed, preoccupied. Not quite the right word, obsessed. Yes, that was better. Her engines hummed in satisfaction as the fear receded whether by her doing or his it didn't matter. It was distracting her.

She turned her attention to the battle just as her forward deflector dish was taken out. She gritted her teeth, forcing back the pain with trained expertise. She turned her attention to the culprits. Those, annoying _pests!_ And she drew on her deep reserve of anger. Only, she couldn't! Briefly a wave of panic engulfed her before it too receded. What was happening? Why couldn't she draw on her strength. The answer came as swiftly as the question. A ship gets her strength for her commander. Should his abilities change for any reason then so would hers have to. And Executor, with all the suites of a star dreadnought, did not realize this until now. She couldn't draw on fear or anger because there was none left. One feeling was stronger than any of the others she'd ever felt so far. It was different and yet Executor found she didn't mind that. Instinctively, she drew on it and in an instant a sense of peace washed over her, peace like she had never known. She almost stowed her turrets until she remembered she was still in a battle. Along with this peace came an understanding. She could hear the shrieks and snarls of her fleetmates as they fought but now she could see them, truly see them. The darkness rolled off them in waves. Fear, anger, hate. It had consumed them. _"Was that what I was like?"_ She wondered. The waves were threatening to penetrate her hull but she firmly resisted, instead drawing more on this new feeling. The peace was addictive. _Never again,_ she told herself firmly! Now that she knew the Truth.

Her advanced sensors warned her of another fighter coming in and this time, it was different. He was heading straight for her bridge and without her shields, Executor was helpless. Once again the fear threatened to consume her but she forced it back. She was a dreadnought, she would not feel fear any longer! She pushed back the anger as well, something that was a bit harder to do. But the Light, the Light of her Black Knight, the result of a decades long conflict she had long felt within him, allowed her to keep the darkness at bay.

The fighter remained, expertly weaving through the fire caused by her forward batteries. What should she do? Now that she knew the truth? Fighting wasn't an option. She sensed the change of allegiance in her commander and her loyalty to him over the emperor was absolute. Where he went, she would follow. She couldn't turn her weapons on her former fleet either. There were too many of them, and as powerful as she was, she was still just a lone dreadnought. Thus, she was left with just one option. Her powerful processors calculating it within just a few microseconds. The option should have frightened her but it didn't. Knowing one is going to die brings about more acceptance than fear. Executor took a few deep breaths, bracing herself as best she could. She would go down yes, but she was a star dreadnought and she would go down with dignity!

The fighter impacted directly between her green eyes. How Executor knew they were green after being yellow for so long she did not understand. Perhaps the peaceful feeling she had embraced had something to do with it. Executor knew she was in a lot of pain and yet she felt little. Explosions wracked her frame and she slid slowly downwards, her knife prow pointing inexorably to the station she had once sworn to protect but now felt nothing but disgust for. A weapon of ultimate terror, like her. A weapon that was about to be turned against.

At the last moment, Executor understood. She was dying, her commander was dying, and she could sense the station beneath her was about to perish as well. And she understood. The peaceful feeling, the one that felt so different and yet so achingly familiar that she had accepted it so easily and readily, she knew what it was now. _"Love."_ She whispered. _"So this is love. Magnificent."_ She closed her eyes, allowing the Light to flow through her, until it had consumed her whole body.


End file.
